i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize