Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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