just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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