dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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