I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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