i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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