I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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