At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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