We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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