Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize