Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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