I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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