Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize