I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize