OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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