now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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