you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize