why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize