Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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