i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize