dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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