I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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