I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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