My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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