Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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