dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize