Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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