Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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