I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize