There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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