I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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