This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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