i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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