...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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