Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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