I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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