I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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