my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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