my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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