my phone needs a breathalizer
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize