Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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