perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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