there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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