she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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