I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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