Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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