The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize