you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize