I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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