In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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she peed on how many people?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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